10 大学英语作文(批改)

As is vividly depicted in the left picture, a beautiful flower is booming in a greenhouse without wind and rain. Contrarily, in the right drawing, the flower can hardly survive when encountering bad weather. The cartoonist aimed to remind us of the phenomenon that parents excessively spoiling their children may cause the latter weakness and helplessness.

Many factors can contribute to this phenomenon, but three stand out. Firstly, with the rapid development of the economy, parents earn more money than before and are able to give more to their child, so young people can often get what they want. Secondly, whatever parents have encountered in work or life, they don't want their children to face the same situation again. If youngsters experience too few difficulties and problems, they can't be brave and strong. Finally, because the one child policy has been acted, almost every family owns only one child, who becomes the center of the family and adults excessively care for him or her.

All in all, spoiling children is harmful to their growth, so measures should be taken to reverse this trend. Parents should give adolescents more opportunities and courage to face difficulties, cultivating their ability to solve problems, while youngsters should make efforts to be self-disciplined and independent. Only in these ways can children really grow up and can society be more harmonious.

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最佳答案 2021-12-03 11:29

这是你自己写的作文吗?写得非常好。作文层次分明,观点明确,说理充分。使用了多种较为复杂的语法结构,从句和非谓语动词使用合理,词汇丰富、用词合理。没有明显语法错误。应该是一篇高分作文。

以下几处可以稍作修改:

1 第一段:in the right drawing, rightdrawing的定语可能产生误解,改为 in the drawing on the right side.

2 第二段:because the one child policy has been acted, 这个被动语态欠妥。改为 because of/owing to the one child policy

3 almost every family owns only one child 改为 almost every family has only one child

4 , who becomes the center of the family and adults excessively care for him or her. and前应该加逗号,即非限制性定语从句前后都用逗号。

5 最后一句 Only in these ways can children really grow up and can society be more harmonious. 删去第二个can(承前省略)。


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  • 英语小学徒 提出于 2021-12-01 14:12