英语作文批改(有关购买私家车的讨论)

Dear Xiaoming,

I am very glad to get your email. I haven’t seen you for a long time. Is everything going on with you?

When it comes to buying private cars, different people have different views. Some people think that private cars have a lot of advantages. Firstly, it is very comfortable and convenient, you can drive car to work and go shopping, which can save your time. Secondly, it can improve your life quality. You can drive your car for travelling with your family together.

However, as the saying goes, “Every coin has two sides.” Others people think that the shortcomings is much than advantages for society. In the first place, it is unavoidable to bring about traffic jams seriously. In the second place, parking difficulties is due to vehicles increased. The last but the most important is air pollution. It will let off plenty of automobile exhaust.

In my opinion, we shouldn’t drive car too much so as to protect our environment unless we are very busy or have urgent things. Meanwhile, we should reduce driving the car if it is short distance or having a lot of time. We should properly use modern transportation, and then our life will be colorful.

Sincerely yours

Li Yuan


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最佳答案 2016-03-17 10:13

下面修改后的文章,画线部分的句子有所改动,请对照着看:

Dear Xiaoming,

I am very glad to get your email. I haven’t seen you for a long time. Is everything going on well with you?

When it comes to buying private cars, different people have different views. Some people think that private cars have a lot of advantages. Firstly, it is very comfortable and convenient to have a car, you can drive your car to work and go shopping, which can save your time. Secondly, it can improve your life quality. You can drive your car for travelling with your family.

However, as the saying goes, “Every coin has two sides.” Other people think that the shortcomings are much more than advantages for society. In the first place, it is unavoidable to bring about serious traffic jams. In the second place, finding a parking place is not a small problem in a crowded city. The last but the most important is air pollution from the car exhausts.

In my opinion, we shouldn’t drive our cars too much so as to protect our environment unless we are very busy or have urgent things. Meanwhile, we should reduce driving the car if it is a short distance or when we have enough time. We should properly use public transportation, and then our life will be colorful.

Sincerely yours

Li Yuan

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其它 1 个回答

王钊

以下是我非专业的看法,请各位专家老师指正:

我觉得作者的文章写得很不错,能将观点说清楚,逻辑清晰,行文流畅。但是也存在美中不足:

(1)从第一段看,应该是作者收到对方的来信。但是第二段却突然转入论述的话题。这个地方缺少过渡句。我建议可以将对方的论点提一下,作为补充说明。

(2)部分地方有语法及其他小错误。

Firstly, it is very comfortable and convenient. You can drive your car to work and go shopping, which can save your time.

You can go travelling with your family together  by your car.

the shortcomings is much more than advantages

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  • speed_eriko 提出于 2015-10-08 20:19

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