2 请帮忙修改润色一段中译英

中文:公司立足北京,面向中国;始终尊奉“专业之所在,细节定成败”的企业宗旨,精益求精,积极进取;择用拥有丰富经验的高素质保洁施工人员,依靠雄厚的技术力量组成一批专业化清洗保洁服务的员工队伍,且配有先进的进口清洗设备、环保型清洗保洁药剂,以形成高效完善的现代化管理体制。

翻译:Established in Beijing, our services cover all over China with the enterprise purpose that "The existence and development of an enterprise is determined by everyone's working carefully in it". We are aggressive and constantly strives for perfection. With strong technical force, we select and employ the experienced and high-quality cleaning construction personnel to consist of a group of professional cleaning service employees. Our company owns advanced imported cleaning equipment and environmental cleaning agents to form a highly-efficient and perfect modern management system.


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最佳答案 2018-06-30 09:21

Established in Beijing, our services cover all over China with the enterprise purpose that "The existence and development of an enterprise is determined by everyone's working carefully in it". We are aggressive and constantly strives for perfection. With strong technical force, we select and employ the experienced and high-quality cleaning construction personnel to consist of a group of professional cleaning service employees. Our company owns advanced imported cleaning equipment and envirnmental cleaning agents to form a highly-efficient and perfect modern management system.

网友的译文总体不错。有两处结构错误需要改进。

1 established作状语,句子的主语必须是company,而不能是services,否则就是悬垂分词。因此句子的主语应该用company,例如:our company provides services all over China.

2 with strong technical force意为公司有了雄厚的技术力量,句子谓语却说select and employ...,状语与谓语有矛盾。因此with短语应改为目的状语,如To guarantee a professional working force, we...

另外,construction通常指建筑工人,用于清洁公司不妥。

这段文字其实本身就是供中国人看的,为什么要翻译成英文呢?现在的汉语已经严重腐败,假话、空话连篇,缺乏逻辑比比皆是。这段话的中文本身漏洞百出,很难翻译成好的英语,因为英语是逻辑性很强的语言。例如,末尾的”以形成高效完善的现代化管理体制“,这是目的状语,可从逻辑上看,有了雄厚的技术力量、进口设备、环保的洗涤剂就能形成高效现代化管理体系吗?二者不存在必然的逻辑关系。我认为,如果不修改中文原文,谁也没法翻译出一个令人满意的还的英文译文的。

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  • Monster 提出于 2018-06-29 14:51

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