请求批改一篇cet4的作文，并打分，我感觉我甚至有些偏题······

Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write an essay. Suppose you have two options upon graduation:  one is to work in a state-owned business and the other in a joint venture. You are to make a choice between the two. Write an essay to explain the reasons for your choice. You should write at least 120 words but no more than 180 words.

      The advantages of working in a state-owned business are safe for our own place and regarded by people. The advantages of working in a joint venture are of much challenge and colorful. As far as I am concerned, I choice the first——working in a state-owned business.

      What are we for who are alive in the world? It is leisure and regarded identity that are everyone’s  ultimate purpose. If we are like the people who are always working too hard in a joint venture each day, the life is not significant, we are just a useful tool. Why do we need much the danger of losing a job? The chance of losing a job in a joint venture is so high——it’s not necessary for me. I need a safe job.

      Different people has a different vision. In  words, choosing a job we  like is the best choice, so I would like to work in a state-owned business.