请帮忙修改两句汉译英(偏文学性)

1 请帮忙修改两句汉译英(偏文学性)

您好，请帮我修改下面的翻译。

汉语原句：七十年如歌岁月，七十年努力超越。当第一缕没有烟火的光明撒在鸡西大地上，不仅照亮了漫漫长夜，也点燃了无数人对于光明的梦想和渴求。

我的翻译：Seventy years, like song years; seventy years, try hard to overstep. When the first ray of light without smoke and fire scattered in Jixi ground, it is not only illuminate the long and dark night, but also lit up the promising dreams and desires of countless people.

汉语原句：七十年风雕雨琢，七十年强歌不辍。

我的翻译：A carved appearance shows after going through seventy-year wind and rain, a strong educational song will sing after seventy year.

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分类：英语翻译

最佳答案 2018-03-30 15:40

1 七十年如歌岁月，七十年努力超越。当第一缕没有烟火的光明撒在鸡西大地上，不仅照亮了漫漫长夜，也点燃了无数人对于光明的梦想和渴求。

The past seventy years was heroic and moving. It was a historry of arduous self-surpassing. When the first gleam of light arrived in Jixi, it not only lit ripped the long dark night but also aroused people's dream and longing for a bright future.

2 七十年风雕雨琢，七十年强歌不辍。

The past seventy years was a baptism of storm and a history of unrimitting heroic fight.