经查，这应该是《剑桥雅思10》的一个图表作文的开头段。你的这句话里有不少问题，如were shown明显属于错误，这里不能用过去时，要用现在时，而且用主动形式。which excluding full-time work 的which应该去掉。第一步，我先给你调整一下顺序：

The charts above show that the destinations of UK graduate and postgraduate students in 2008, excluding full-time work. 

第二步，你还要注意，你用了很多题目里的原词，应该尽量进行同意转换，不能照抄。现改写如下：

The two charts indicate the difference of career prospects between British university graduates and postgraduates in 2008, with the exception of full-time work.