请老师帮忙修改一下这个句子的翻译,这是我以前做的。
原文:一年一个足迹,一年一次跨越,每一个足迹都熔铸着鸡西电业人的汗水和追求,都展开了一幅梦想成真的瑰丽图景。
翻译:One year, one footprint; one year, one leap, every footprint was cast sweat and pursuit in Jixi people who engaged in electricity, had launched a magnificent picture that dream has came true.
一年一个足迹,一年一次跨越。每一个足迹都熔铸着鸡西电业人的汗水和追求,都展开了一幅梦想成真的瑰丽图景。
翻译:One year, one footprint; one year, one leap, every footprint was cast sweat and pursuit in Jixi people who engaged in electricity, had launched a magnificent picture that dream has came true.
【评价】以上是网友的翻译。总体还不错,只是有几个小失误。
1. 在断句上,“一年一个足迹,一年一次跨越。” 英语的翻译最后应该使用句号,结束这个排比句。但网友却没有,而是One year, one footprint; one year, one leap, ...
2. 此外,这两个排比句的中心词是“足迹”和“跨越”,而“每年”是时间状语或频度状语。所以,中文的意思是:“他们每年都留下一个足迹,每年都有一次跨越”。
应该这样翻译:They leave a footprint every year, and they take a leap every year.
简化为:One footprint every year, and one leap every year.
3. 熔铸着:be cast with。介词with 不要漏掉。
4. 鸡西电业人的追求:使用of 所有格:the sweat and pursuit of the Jixie lectric industry workers
5. 电业人:直接译为electric industry workers(电业工作者),无须使用定语从句,太罗嗦。
6. had launched:缺少主语,而且时态也不对。改为“非限制性定语从句”,让前文的the sweat and pursuit 作主语:which have drawn a magnificent picture of a dream came true.
7. “展开”二字,无须翻译。其实,“展开”就是“是”的意思。就是说,前文的内容“是”一副瑰丽图景。因此,用which is....
8. a dream came true:“梦想成真”,即:成真的梦想。come true作定语。
【翻译】One footprint every year, and one leap every year. Each footprint has been cast with the sweat and pursuit of the Jixi electric industry workers, which have drawn a magnificent picture of a dream came true.
我再把我的翻译,直译成汉语:
每年一个足迹,每年一次飞跃。每一个足迹都被鸡西电气工业职工的汗水和追求所铸造,它们描绘了一副梦想成真的壮丽画面。
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中文原文:一年一个足迹,一年一次跨越,每一个足迹都熔铸着鸡西电业人的汗水和追求,都展开了一幅梦想成真的瑰丽图景。
英文翻译:One footprint a year , one leap a year. Each footprint has embodied the sweat and pursuit of the Jixi electric power industry workers, which has described a magnificent picture of a dream came true
以上译文仅供参考。
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